Three Grand Graduations in Five Days

Three of my grandchildren graduated from college in five days:

On May 6, Lu (they/them/their), 22 years old, got their Master’s in Public Health from Temple University; on May 8, Natalie, 29, defended her PhD in Computer Science at the University of Pennsylvania, and on May 9, Sophie, 21, received her BA from the School of Design at Syracuse University.

Graduating from Temple, Lu looked as radiant and happy as I’ve ever seen them. The graduation ceremony included a very diverse group of students, many of them being the first member of their family to get a college degree. The energetic and enthusiastic “yahoo’s” from the proud crowd were contagious!

The next day, Friday, Natalie defended her thesis at the University of Pennsylvania. I watched via Zoom, as I was driving up to Syracuse University for Sophie’s graduation. It was thrilling to hear Natalie, competently and knowledgeably, explain her thesis on Games Theory, looking as relaxed as if she were talking to me in my living room. I must admit I look forward to hearing a layman’s version of her thesis the next time we’re together.

On Saturday, the day began with a breakfast at Sophie’s apartment, put together by Sophie and her three roommates, all of whom were from New York City. You could tell by what they served: bagels, lox, tuna salad, homemade quiche, chocolate chip cookies and mimosas. That evening I watched Sophie, all smiles, and thrusting her BA diploma high up in the air, graduate from the School of Design at Syracuse University, after which she and her friends took off to celebrate at their favorite cafe.

As I had expected, graduation week turned out to be a grandmother’s dream, but little did I know I’d have something else to feel good about!—Spending three days with my former husband, whom I hadn‘t spent that much time with in 45 years!

Turns out that Tony, to whom I had been married for 17 years and with whom I had had two kids, Christine and Tom, drove up with Christine, her husband Steve, and me, to Syracuse to see our granddaughter Sophie graduate. At 90, Tony is still agile and active, though his memory tends to stray from time to time, and he needs to be reminded to take his phone, his watch, and whatever else he needs whenever he leaves the house. We separated because we both had married much too young—he was 23 and I was 20–and our ensuing differences led us to different paths in our lives. Our divorce had been amicable and, in the 45 years since, he had remarried. We occasionally got together to celebrate our kids’ birthdays, but we hadn‘t spent any lengthy amount of time together…until now. Tony’s wife was working and not able to come with us. “Don’t worry,” I assured Christine, “You take care of Sophie’s needs and I’ll help look out for Dad,” sounding much more confident than I felt. Little did I know how enjoyable that would be.

For three days, Tony and I sat together for breakfast, lunch and dinner, for the graduation ceremony. We reminisced about old times–how we met; pleasing our parents (or not); our close friends, many of whom had passed on; our favorite TV shows and movies, and, most of all, our kids and grandkids. We agreed that we were leaving our kids with longevity genes they could look forward to. Who knew we’d reach our current ages? Back then, we referred to people living to their late seventies as very lucky. Here we were, 86 and 90, each looking forward to another five years or more. Just like Mel Brooks and Dick Van Dyke. Who would’ve thought? Would we have done anything differently if we had known, we continued to wonder? One thought led to another until we ended up laughing ourselves silly. Over what, specifically? I can’t remember.

 We watched Sophie and her friends glow with pride and accomplishment and share their excitement over future plans. At their age, Tony had gone to the School of Visual Arts in the city, and I had attended Hunter College. Neither of us had had a college experience away from home. We watched the young folk hold their cell phones in their hands as if glued to their skin and pay everything by credit card. To them, cash was an old fashioned commodity. To us, cash still was something we still never left home without. Times had changed.

At the end of the weekend, we hugged and kissed good-bye. We both agreed we had had a wonderful time together and were glad to have had the opportunity to “catch up” on our lives. At our age, who knows if we’ll have another chance to spend so much time together.