Opposites Attract

Richard and I have been married 40 years. No matter how loving a relationship, you can’t spend 40 years with a person and never let it get under your skin. Nor can a marriage survive without remembering what keeps you together. Once in a while, you need to replay the tape. Let me start with our differences:

He loves sweets. I prefer salts.

He likes dark chocolate. I prefer white.

His preferred cocktail is a tall ginger ale. Mine is a dry martini.

He rearranges but never throws out. I put away or throw away.

He takes his time. I’m always in a hurry.

He doesn’t exercise. I swim three times a week.

He sleeps without a pillow. I need three.

He’s always too cold. I’m always too warm.

He keeps turning off the lights. I keep turning them on.

He listens to Beethoven and Bach. I go for James Taylor and Carol King.

His desk is always messy but his underwear is neatly put away. My desk is neat but my underwear is always in a tangled muddle.

He’s a computer guru and could've written the Apple Guide for Dummies, of which I am one.

I keep wishing he were more like me. He doesn’t seem to care.

It’s taken time to accept—or not—who we are. There are some days when we find ourselves living with the person we fell in love. There are others when we can barely recall what we saw in one another. But here we are 40 years later and here’s why:

Richard and I both believe in being supportive spouses, loyal companions and attentive parents. We enjoy being with family and friends, are good listeners and learners, and believe in going to therapists. We try to be good neighbors. We’re not religious but believe in sunrises, sunsets, rainbows and a walk in the woods. Our favorite destinations are the Berkshires, Cape Cod and Paris. We try to make every day count.

We have discovered that marriage can be a blessing and a curse. It can be a cure for one's needs or can exacerbate what ails. It can feel like a soothing massage, or an endless hour with the most boring person on earth.

It helps to have time to oneself, some bouts of amnesia, a mute button and ear plugs. It also helps to remember why we fell in love, what we miss of our younger selves, and how to accept our older selves. And it doesn’t hurt to stay in touch with our differences—how else would we be able to remember what we still enjoy and love about one another? After 40 years, Richard and I don’t know how to do otherwise.